Hey guys, I know I have not written anything for a while. As a spoonie (chronically Ill person) I have a lot of ups and downs. I didn’t even go to my treatment this week, which is a big deal-in my life. Lately I have been overly anxious about everything. I focus way to much on the things I can’t do, and the things I want to do.
I then do the biggest mistake of all COMPARE myself to others! I know I shouldn’t but I do, then all of these things create a domino effect and just triggers my anxiety Really bad. I hate feeling like my hands are tied and I know I need help but it’s hard. Everyday is a guessing game, will I feel up to it? Is too cold to go out? Am I hurting somewhere? Do I even wanna get dressed? Do I really wanna go out into the world and face the people I haven’t seen in a while ( and most of the time I mean years)?
I have always been the type of person that just wants to be accepted and liked by others. I have really struggled ever since I was a kid. Most of the time I’d get picked at because of my weight. Which has made me extremely, EXTREMELY sensitive. I can’t even stand it when my mom calls me “gorda” as Spanish nickname which is saying like fat girl but in a nice way you know? Hope you’re still with me here.
My weigh has obviously been on my mind a lot and my future. Do I even have one? I’m 24 and feel as I’m a teenager still! Right after turning 19-22 i was constantly in the hospital I even had birthdays in there.I felt as if a huge chunk of my “fun” years were taken away, I feel pressured to be an adult and not even by my family just from myself and because I see everyone achieving things and “adulting”. My life completely changed after getting sick, I try to just smile through most things but it gets to you after a while. You wish you were right there with your friends achieving things. I’m over here fighting to stay alive, it sucks.
The news doesn’t help, I really understand why so many just stay away or completely block out current news from their life. It is depressing, sad and I try to stay out of it. Everyone is bombarded with so many things everyday. It is so stressful! I really like to be creative so I do a couple things here and there which help me express myself. Do you guys have any advice for stress? What helps you calm down? Thank you for stayin with me til the end!❤